So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
