I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
