1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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