i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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