me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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