dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
