I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
