he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
