Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I AM VODKA MAN
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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