I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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