i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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