We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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