fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
