So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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