Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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