Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Shame - the story of my life.
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