I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
