he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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