I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
