so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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