If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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