you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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