ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
