I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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