She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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