If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
