Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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