so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
