and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
