new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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