Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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