Only a mothe r could love this liver
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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