Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
