guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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