im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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