i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
