I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
