He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
