i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
