you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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