Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
