Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
