just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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