You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize