Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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