Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
