Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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