can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
