my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
