I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
