Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
