Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
