Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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