Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
