i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
