Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize