here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
