GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
