You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
