I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
