You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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