We won't sleep together?
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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