i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
