Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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