yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
