That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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