some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
