My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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