Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
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And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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