I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
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He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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