Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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