matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
