Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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